I watched a video today that someone shared, and it made me pretty emotional. It showed a man who has lost 300lb through doing Yoga at home. Here’s the link:
The reason I think this got to me wasn’t because of the weight loss itself – which is completely incredible. It was what he said. He said that something changed in his mindset – something clicked that made him want to change, to make a difference. He named the reasons he had to lose weight, but said he couldn’t pinpoint ‘why’ exactly it just changed in his mind.
I get that.
The first time I went for a run, I felt a bit crazy. I was wearing £8 trainers from Tesco, dressed in my OH’s t-shirt and my materinty joggers. I couldn’t tell you why I went.
I also can’t explain to you how hard it was – how much it hurt, how uncomfortable I was, how sad I was to find I couldn’t actually run for more than one minute at a time. I really can’t explain why I went, and I really can’t explain why I carried on. I just know that I wasn’t happy, I was tired of not being happy, and I knew my health and fitness were making me unhappy.
It wasn’t my clothes size that made me sad. It wasn’t my measurements or the number on the scale. It was that I didn’t fit into myself – I was bigger than I was happy with, I wasn’t comfortable. I’d had health problems so I needed to be in good health and I really, really wasn’t.
I don’t think I looked awful! You have to bear in mind, even on the cruelest day I wasn’t going to get anyone stare at me as I passed in the street – I was a size 16, which is a perfectly okay size that many people are very healthy being. I wasn’t. My weight didn’t fit my frame, or my build – none of it was muscle, none of it was natural for me. I wasn’t healthy. That’s the most important thing to note – I wasn’t healthy. Forget skinny or slim or even fit. Healthy is the word.
And I lost the weight and I’m fine now and whatever. That’s not the point. The point is – when I started, I don’t know why I did. I can’t pinpoint what happened. And this video got to me because I SO wish I knew – I wish I could bottle it and give it away and show people what happened, because being happy with yourself is so precious and important. Again – there is no ‘right size’ to be, there is no ‘correct weight’. The goal is, always should be, being fit and healthy enough to do the things you want to do. If your size is holding you back (as mine was), that’s the time to change.
I wish I’d taken more ‘before’ photographs. I wish I’d written it down, I wish I’d made more of a record of where I was. I guess it’s OK to reflect on it from where I am now. And remember it, the next time I have a goal I don’t think I can achieve.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.